Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A Secret Relationship

Is a secret relationship worthless? Here's a question from one reader who is afraid to come out with his love life:

Hi Lex,

I'm on a relationship..but i can't be fully happy of our relationship coz..we are very much concern of what others may say..especially my partner..i'm thinking what's the use of this relationship..we can't even really say to our friends that we are lovers.. 

nerv_mplus

*****

Hi nerv_mplus,

It's true that the stability of the relationship is compromised when it is kept secret from people around you. But that doesn't mean it is worthless.

Continue to grow the relationship between the two of you. And very slowly open it to people close to you. 

I wish you love, happiness and the freedom to stand up for the one you love.

Lex

4 comments:

ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ said...

great advice lex! great advice!

Anonymous said...

i agree with lex.
relationship is about love not about being true to your friends, its being true with each other.
i call it closet relationship - a relationship bet two gays in the closet. :)

Robert I love you! said...

I was hoping someone can give me advise as well.

I am a bisexual that intends to start my own family sometime in the future, but I have fallen so badly in love with someone I do not know what to do.

He is married and has 3 girls. We have known each other for more than 2 years now. Initially, I wanted to get him in the sack and get down to business, but now I have TOO MUCH respect for him that I can't do it, although EVERY part of me tells me that I SHOULD!!! I see that he shows affection and care towards me but only if it is just the two of us, when we are in public, he shows me a COMPLETELY different persona. First time we got to know each other we opened up, he told me that he has tried having a relationship with a man(Jess) who was gay(but trying hard to act straight), but ONLY ONCE before, and I do believe him. He has had sex with him many times before and he is the dominant type. I have held his crotch and I have seen his thing a few times, that's it. But he is NEVER the type that would initiate the foreplay. I know that he is waiting for me to start the "party" but I cannot find the courage to do so! I love him too much and also his family, I would not want to destroy or hurt them or his friends because of our "MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING", given that fact we are both men. But I cannot stand not being able to share special moments with a man I truly love.

Before we used to hold hands together, but when his wife got a "whiff" of what is going on between us, he totally stopped holding my hand although I try to hold his on occasions to which he moves his hand away from mine.

I know that there area MANY men out there willing to have a bisexual relationship with me (also a bisexual), but Im not so sure that I will be able to find someone of his caliber. He shows his affection in very subtle ways, but he is person that I know will not go back on his word. Our relationship is NOT about money! IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THAT, EVEN FROM THE BEGINNING! I have given him and his family COUNTLESS number of things.Each of his daughters I have given them celphones, his wife I have given her other things and him I have given him a motorbike, a computer and the list goes on and on and on.... The reason that we are still together is about companionship. When our relationship got soggy twice before, he was willing WHOLE-HEARTEDLY to give back EVERYTHING I gave him and his family. He has shown me so much sincerity that it is not about the MONEY AT ALL! So what is about then I ask??? But I cannot bring it upon myself to ask him to have "special moments" together because of the love and concern I have that I might hurt him. Initially it was fine, I didn't really know him. But now ITS A WHOLE NEW BALL GAME and MY GOALS HAVE CHANGED... Except for one, I still want to have special man to man moments with him... I this love about sex??? I don't even know! I know this man VERY WELL... But I don't even know if I can ask him to give me what I am needing.... As I find it to disrespectful!

If anyone can give me some advise or tips how to get past the apprehensions then my mind is WIDE OPEN for suggestions, as it is very confused right now!

Anonymous said...

hope their relationship will ponder.
Sir Lex I have a question, confuse only, What is a discreet gay? and What do you call a closet gay who is straight forward asking sex?