Friday, February 18, 2011

"My Partner is Cheating on Me"

When your long time partner is showing the signs of cheating, what should one do? This is the complicated situation of Ronnie, who emailed me last month with his story:

Hi lex,

I am a recent fan of yours and i have seen a few of your movies (original DVDs of course) hehe.

But that will be another story on another time.

Right now, I'm confused on what to do. I'm in a committed relationship of about 15 years which is showing some "cracks" that I don't know how to mend but am willing to. He is discreet because of his job and I'm out but not that "obvious."

I am a US permanent resident for about 7 years now and was just "forced" by circumstances to leave a nice job in PH and with my partner and I promising to be strong though apart. I can accept him of having some "side" affairs as long as I'm still the "one" because I know its hard to be apart. Of which, I must say I'm having some in the US but nothing serious.

I'm here in PH for a vacation. Last week I accidentally saw a text message on his iphone and learned that he has another number with a different cell company because the guy was asking permission if he can call him on that "number." When I was cleaning the baggage compartment of the car, I saw a brochure from that cell company. I didn't do anything.

Last weekend I went to my hometown and he dropped me at the airport. The following night I called him and he said he was having dinner in a mall resto and will be home soon. Later I called the home phone and our temp help said he's not home yet and I soon learned he came in later in the evening. My suspicions are getting stronger then.

I arrived yesterday and when he was fast asleep I couldn't resist looking into his cellphone call history. I found out that as soon as he dropped me at the airport there was a series of phone calls from the guy. The next day there was a call from the guy just 15 minutes before I called when he said he was having dinner. And on my day of arrival there were several calls earlier in the day. I also noticed he erased the text messages from this guy only.

(to be continued)


david m said...

god, these things suck...

look, if you have to resort to spying on your partner, you're merely confirming what you already know.

having been in a long term relationship since god created man, and having traveled to many far away places for long periods of time, i can tell you firsthand that having a fling is not that big of a deal.

it is only when the affair develops into an emotional one that things can get ugly. unfortunately, in a state of vulnerability, as in being alone and far away, these things can and do happen.

the fact that you two are separated by an ocean puts an awful strain on your long-term commitment to each other. most men do not care to be alone and many prefer a steady bf over a string of hook-ups.

you are in control of your life. if you cannot return to PH and he cannot relocate to the US, then letting each other go (as in life partners) is an option that you must seriously consider.

it is the only way your hurt can heal so that you may forgive him and get on with your life. from what you write, it looks like your partner is getting on with his.

much good luck!

Anonymous said...

All I can say is that if there is no more trust in the relationship,it is pretty much done, kaput.

ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ said...

i wonder if the writer has considered looking at it from an angle other than victim and determine what his responsibility is in the whole thing.

Anonymous said...

sa girl ang boy relationship nga may nangyayaring ganyan,,sa gay to ga or watever u call it,,pa,,diba,,

sabi nga,,kapag niloko ka ng minsan,,u forfive him/her,,pero kapag nasundan pa,,wag na,,,putulin ang dapat putulin,,wahahah.baka mawala ng respeto mo sa sarili mo,,,bilang tao,,di na sya siguro happy,,kaya naghahanap ng iba,,,weak sya ,,weak ang taong ganun,,,hay nako,,

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the replies. I was waiting for the next part to be posted, but felt I have to give some feedback. What you said are true but I never intended to spy on him. During my last year's vacation I already suspected he has a/some fling/s but that was ok with me. As one of you said, it happens to married couples, too. I also admit I have some shortcomings but its the seriousness of their relationship (as what I wrote in the other half of the letter) that's breaking me apart.

That will be all for now, I don't want to preempt the next part. Again thanks (esp david m and line of flight) for the replies/advices.


Anonymous said...

Huwag mong pakialaman ang cell phone ng partner mo kung hindi ka handa sa katotohanan.

Respect each other's privacy.