Are The Macho Dancers the Only Solution?

Response to Lonely Engineer




Hi Drake Mikels,

Thank you for trusting me to be sane enough to give insight into your issues. As I understand, your first biggest problem is that you have never experienced sex in your life. Unless you have horrible skin disease and you were born with three eyes and eight legs, I don’t understand why you couldn’t find anyone to have sex with you. The fact that your best friend agrees to sleep with you (even without having sex) says that you are certainly an acceptable person worthy to be beside another human being.

So I guess, in your words, we can acknowledge that it’s your faith that has been a hindrance for you to enjoy your sexuality. And I being an atheist, is not the best person to talk to you about faith. Unless, you are ready to explore atheism, then I will give you my number.

Now, let’s proceed to your questions:


Lonely Engineer: He doesn’t want to lose me as a friend either, so should I keep him as a friend?

Lex: By All Means.


Lonley Engineer: If I do keep him as my friend, how do I get over my feelings for him?

Lex: Our feelings are shaped by our perspectives. You are lucky to have him as a friend who will accept you for who you are. It is possible to use this genuine friendship as a tool to re-shape how you see and how you feel about him.


Lonely Engineer: Should I still continue to hope and wait? Or should I just shag the macho dancers to rid myself of my virginity?

Lex: If you are very curious and is dying to know how it feels to play with another man’s lips, how it feels to have a man’s nipple by your tongue and how it feels to have a manhood inside your mouth, for goodness sake, find someone to have sex with whether you pay for it or not! Life is oh so short! You’re not a woman. I don’t understand why you should punish yourself with virginity.


Lonely Engineer: Will it be shameful if my first kiss and my first sexual encounter come from macho dancers?

Lex: Certainly not. Your sexuality is yours. When it comes to what you do with your sexuality as long you do not step on the rights of other people, you are only answerable to yourself and not to the opinion of society.


Mr. Lonely enginner, I think your mistake is you keep on asking for romantic love from your straight best friends. Such behavior is an obvious recipe for tragedy. You need to come out and find other gay men to connect with. The diverse community of gay man is an abundant source of sisters and potential lovers.

Hiding in the closet is a life of punishment. Be the best of who you are and meet other like minded individuals. I am sure that true love and intimacy will soon find your way.

Sincerely,

Lex

The Morning After (The Lonely Engineer Part 2)

The Lonely Engineer Part 2

I started removing his sando. Then he said, “pre matulog na lang tayo, please, matulog na lang tayo, mahal kita pre bilang isang kaibigan, huwag mong gawin to”. Then I cried. I said “sorry pre”. He said “ayos lang, matulog na tayo” while he was patting my back. To make the long story short, nothing happened. I was this close to getting rid of my virginity. I wasn’t even able to kiss him on the lips. He could have at least been my first kiss. We were on the same bed; I was hard the whole night. I could no longer make a move.

The following morning was worse. He was smiling at me when we saw each other. I couldn’t smile back. I couldn’t work since I didn’t sleep at all. And on top of that, I really wanted to talk to him about. So I couldn’t wait for the day to end.

When it finally did, I knocked on his door again. He was no longer smiling. He took pity on me. He asked me, “kelan ka pa ganyan?”. So I shared with him my life story, which I am not gonna bore you with. He was ok with it, as long as I won’t do it with him. I was happy, and at the same time sad. He is the first guy friend I have who accepted me for who I am. I don’t want to lose him, but at the same time, I want to forget my feelings for him. The only way I can forget my feelings for him is to get away from here, which is a luxury I cannot afford. I have bills to pay, and my career is doing so well.

I have had my heartbroken one two many times now. I am tired. I just want to know what it feels like to love someone who loves me back. I am losing hope that I’ll get there.

So these are my questions for you.

1. He doesn’t want to lose me as a friend either, so should I keep him as a friend?

2. If I do keep him as my friend, how do I get over my feelings for him?

3. Should I still continue to hope and wait? Or should I just shag the macho dancers to rid myself of my virginity?

4. Will it be shamefull if my first kiss and my first sexual encounter come from macho dancers?

Please do give me as much advice as you can. I will be waiting for your reply.

Thanks and more power to your blog and movies.


Regards,

Drake Mikels
Lonely Engineer

The Lonely Engineer: 29 Years of “No Sex”

Part of 1 of a letter from "The Lonely Engineer"

If you are a gay man, what will you do if for almost three decades of your life, you have never been intimate with another man? Here's an interesting story from Drake, who calls himself "The Lonely Engineer":

Dear Lex,


I am a constant visitor of your site. I just wanna seek your advice on my personal life coz I am at a lost.

I am 29 years old, discreet gay, currently working in the Middle East. I have been single since birth, never been touched nor kissed. The reason maybe is because of the fact that I am not that good-looking, or I am a bit hesitant because of my faith.

Anyhow, this is how my story goes. I left the Philippines to work in the Middle East to forget a lost love. You see, I fell in love with my straight friend. I hid my feelings for him and ended up leaving him. He had no clue whatsoever why I suddenly became cold and started leaving him behind. We went our separate ways with no closure.

When an opportunity arose for me to work in the Middle East, I grabbed it with no hesitations, so I can forget the pain and start picking up pieces of my self that I’ve lost. You might be wondering how I can hurt this much, when nothing really ever began. I hurt because I lost a friend to my own fault. I fell in love with a straight guy, a friend more than anything.

Years went by. I started to forget his face. I recently took a vacation back home and indulged my self in exploring my sexuality by being an audience to my first gay bar experience, with my girl friends. Unfortunately, I have no guy friends, nor do I have gay friends to share this with. If you see me, you wouldn’t think I am one of you. My eyes were feasted with gyrating bodies up-close. That was the vacation that I will always remember.

Then I went back here in the Middle East. People in my work place do not have any idea of who I truly am. I have a lot of guy friends here who are my friends because they think I am straight. There is this one guy that I allowed myself to fall for. Big mistake, coz it’s like history repeating itself in a different location. When I started falling for him; that was the time I started ignoring him, because I don’t want to completely fall for him. But I already did.

He confronted me about it and I told him that I was just going thru a phase. But he was very persistent because he really considered me as a friend.

So that night, I walked into his room and took the risk of telling him that I am in fact gay. He laughed. He could not believe it. He wanted me to prove it. I wanted to kiss him but I was afraid that he might hit me or something. So I asked if I can stay the night. He agreed. We were both on the same bed. When the lights turned off, I started grabbing his crotch. He kept saying, “huwag pre, huwag”. Then I started pleading, “mabilis lang to pre, sige na, pagbigyan mo na ko” while kissing his chest and biceps…

To be continued...