I started removing his sando. Then he said, “pre matulog na lang tayo, please, matulog na lang tayo, mahal kita pre bilang isang kaibigan, huwag mong gawin to”. Then I cried. I said “sorry pre”. He said “ayos lang, matulog na tayo” while he was patting my back. To make the long story short, nothing happened. I was this close to getting rid of my virginity. I wasn’t even able to kiss him on the lips. He could have at least been my first kiss. We were on the same bed; I was hard the whole night. I could no longer make a move.
The following morning was worse. He was smiling at me when we saw each other. I couldn’t smile back. I couldn’t work since I didn’t sleep at all. And on top of that, I really wanted to talk to him about. So I couldn’t wait for the day to end.
When it finally did, I knocked on his door again. He was no longer smiling. He took pity on me. He asked me, “kelan ka pa ganyan?”. So I shared with him my life story, which I am not gonna bore you with. He was ok with it, as long as I won’t do it with him. I was happy, and at the same time sad. He is the first guy friend I have who accepted me for who I am. I don’t want to lose him, but at the same time, I want to forget my feelings for him. The only way I can forget my feelings for him is to get away from here, which is a luxury I cannot afford. I have bills to pay, and my career is doing so well.
I have had my heartbroken one two many times now. I am tired. I just want to know what it feels like to love someone who loves me back. I am losing hope that I’ll get there.
So these are my questions for you.
1. He doesn’t want to lose me as a friend either, so should I keep him as a friend?
2. If I do keep him as my friend, how do I get over my feelings for him?
3. Should I still continue to hope and wait? Or should I just shag the macho dancers to rid myself of my virginity?
4. Will it be shamefull if my first kiss and my first sexual encounter come from macho dancers?
Please do give me as much advice as you can. I will be waiting for your reply.
Thanks and more power to your blog and movies.
Regards,
Drake Mikels
Lonely Engineer
7 comments:
AND HERE ARE MY OPINION TO YOUR ISSUES:
1. He doesn’t want to lose me as a friend either, so should I keep him as a friend?
SURE YOU CAN, BUT AS LONG AS YOU SEE HIM EVERYDAY OR WORK UNDER ONE ROOF, THE FEELING YOU'RE HAVING WILL CONTINUE TO HAUNT YOU,
2. If I do keep him as my friend, how do I get over my feelings for him?
LIKE I'VE SAID ABOVE, YOU'LL NEVER GET OVER WITH THAT FEELING FOR AS LONG AS YOU SEE HIM EVERYDAY.
3. Should I still continue to hope and wait? Or should I just shag the macho dancers to rid myself of my virginity?
i DONT THINK SO. DOING IT WITH A SEX WORKER IS FINE AS LONG AS YOU DO IT SAFELY, YOU'RE STILL A MAN NOT A WOMAN, VIRGINITY IS NOT MUCH OF AN ISSUE HERE.
4. Will it be shamefull if my first kiss and my first sexual encounter come from macho dancers?
WHAT IS SO SHAMEFUL ABOUT THAT?YOU'RE 29 YEARS OLD AND NOT 16 YEARS OLD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL WITH THAT FIRST KISS AND FIRST SEX AT YOUR AGE NOW? ACT YOUR AGE AND DO WHATEVER YOU FEEL LIKE DOING.
oh shoot.. would i be like him?? im 22 yrs old.. will take my engineering board exam this november.. planning to go abroad.. never been kissed never been touched.. and i dont wanna lose my virginity either with somebody i don't love..
this is so me.. lol.. well, i still have 7 years.. ahahaha.. me0w..
I'm compelled to comment for we share a lot in common. Or may be m worse. I just turned 33. I never had any relationship. M closeted, and... i had my first real kiss at the age of 32, beat that. :-)
1. He doesn’t want to lose me as a friend either, so should I keep him as a friend?
My opinion is YOU CANT for now. You can only be friends with people with whom you have platonic feelings with. As long as your romantic inclinations toward your friend remains, he would be more than a friend to you. His presence would make your heart grow fonder. Do yourself a favor mate, keep distance. He can be your friend after you've gotten over your feelings. There is a time for everything.
Where do i base this from? My own experience. I feel in love with my best friend. Like you, i insisted on keeping him as my friend. The result was devastating. I ended up losing him as a friend as well.
Well, this is just an opinion.
2. If I do keep him as my friend, how do I get over my feelings for him?
My opinion is, you CANT. Pag in-love ka sa isang tao, nakatayo pa lang siya in love ka na. Eh pano kung lumapit pa sa yo? at naging mabait pa sa yo? Good luck di ba?
Keep distance for now.
3. Should I still continue to hope and wait? Or should I just shag the macho dancers to rid myself of my virginity?
Oopps. My answer is wait. I'd rather experience sex with love. Besides, i dont think i could do "it" sans the emotions involved.
4. Will it be shamefull if my first kiss and my first sexual encounter come from macho dancers?
It's your choice mate. For me, nothing would be shameful if we base our decision in what we value in life.
I am available to exchange emails with you should you need someone to vent your emotions with. All the best.
ang ganda ng mga comment..panalo...
inulit q ulit ang tanong nya na basahin>>>lahat h...
parang hindi niya kayang n friend lang ibigay s kanya ng friend nya...
ang pakiwari q mahal nya ang friend nya na higit p sa friend lang..
parang ang gusto nya...
maikama nya o magkaroon ng Sexual intercouse
pero ang friend nya hanggang dun lang as a friend..
TAMA ANG FRIEND MO..
ITO ANG HIGIT NA NAIBIGAY NYA SAYO.. at
ay higit pa sa gusto mo..
ANG ISANG TUNAY NA KAIBIGAN AY ISANG KAYAMANAN NA.
huwag kang maghagad ng higit p rito.
hindi lang love ang gusto mo sa kanya kundi ang buong sya.. na para bang asawa na, may magpupuno ng pangangailagan sa sex life mo...
yun tunkol naman sa viginity mo na collboy o macho ang makakuna sayo..
mag isip ka nga
mga hooker yan at pera ang gusto ng mga iyan...
papano kung wala ka nang pera nakatulala ka na sa langit...
marami dyan na umiibig din sa isang kagaya natin
ang gawin mu ipagpatuloy mo lang ang mundo mo...
makikita mo masaya ka pala..
sana makatulong din sayo ang maliit n comment ko, na sa akin manunawa...patawarin mo ako kung mali o hindi ayon sayo ang mga sinabi ko...
smile :)
There is but one question to answer: do you want a family of your own? If yes, gaylife is not for you; if no, then by all means gamble away. You have nothing to lose. Enough with the drama...if you can't say what the fuck then you can't do it! Been there and I'm so over it. Gaylife is fun when you're young but when you get old only your own children will love and tolerate you. Goodluck with your life!
hey lex,
i am alekz..this is my testimony the same with lonely engineer. you know what, lonely engineer, we experience almost the same thing.. yup almost.'ll be 29 this year but i wasn't hesitant of doing it with the guy i had a big crush on.. he was just an average guy of my same age as well.. but for me he oozes that sex appeal i can't resist.. a dream come true when i had the 1st time getting rid of my virginity with him in 2008 feb 14 to be exact. in my bedroom... unfortunately he is a sort of a gold digger.. i understood coz he got no job despite being a college graduate.. he once became our security guard in our office building where i also work (until to this very day)which was also the beginning of getting to that feeling.. i was once in a while glancing at him on his post just two meters away from my window.. i cleverly got his cellphone number from our both common friend.. thereafter we were exchanging texts, only to find out sometime in the middle of 2006, he left to manila to find his luck of getting a job. sadly he wasn't able to get hired. i asked him if he was willing to do anything to survive in there.. until he said, "kahit matrona o bakla pwede ko ng patulan." then, i suddenly felt asking him then, "what if i said i like you". he just told me "open naman ako sa mga ganyang bagay". So there it was.. we became lovers thru cellphone.. until such time he begged me for money in exchange that our relationship will last forever.. that I knew it wouldn’t happen.. I was like a little child who didn’t care the consequences of the happiness that something brought on me.. in short I sent him money even he was that far.. I was afraid of losing him forever if I didn’t do it.. but I was not wrong.. he just used me. Coz for the last time I called him he withdrawn from our agreement.. that then I started getting angry and hatred reigned my heart towards him.. we exchanged mean texts to each other for the long time.. until he came back in 2008, he was humble enough of asking me to talk with him. Coz I was so firm of what I said that he has to pay me back..everything.. after what he did to me.. he said he can’t. but I still have feelings for him after all we’ve gone through upon seeing him again.. so finally on February 14 of that year, we did it. Coz he wanted to settle it with me.. but I still paid him for the wonderful time I never imagine it was not gonna happen anymore. Until I just accepted to myself he is not gonna pay me back anymore. Instead he still asked me money everytime we do it.. I got no regrets at all since I also want to experience it more with him.. we still communicate because he is still here.. though, I treat him as my sex toy which he openly accepted it.. but he wanted to keep it between the two of us.. but I am not.. is that ok though? Coz he still claim he is a man a straight guy…but for me.. whatever.. I still want him be with me.. last night I saw him training young people for taekwando.. so for me don't lose hope of getting rid of your big "V". believe me.
we believe po na walan tunay na lalake ang manunupa at magpapatira sa wetpu,,hehe,,sa mga gays o bisex lang iyon,,being ya is not a sin nor its not a choice pero yung tatahakin mong landas ng buhay at pano mo dadalhin sarili mo sa tao,yun ang magiging sins o choice mo,,gay can married to a lady too,,tast fine!kung kaya naman ng gay at ok sa babae,,.we beliv kase mahirap makuha sa pinoy ang mahalin ka,lalo na straight sya,magagamit kalang,,sabi nila sa mga sinaunang gays lang ang madaming nauuto na bakla,kase daw ngayon,madaming gays na decent at wise,,sana nga diba,,naitataas ang kalidad o imahe g bakla sa mundo,.tigin ng iba a g gays cock hunger at sex hunger,,wag naman,,iba iba padin ang tao!.ang relasyon ay makukuha mo sa mga ibanh lahi gaya sa europa at america,sa pinoy,50-50 iyan,,.masasabi kong maopili na din mga guys now sa mga gays,,gusto nila hot at pretty face na gays na maayos,at may values,.madali kang lapitin ng ibang lahi kapag ganyan kang klase ng bakla,ano pa kaya kung mukha kang babae,,hehe,.ucky u r!ANG BAKLA DAPAT MAY PAGPIPIGIL SA SARILI,MAAYOS,AT MATALINO HIGIT SA LAHAT,,AT EHEMPLO SA TAO.madaming bakla na pangit na nga wala pang modo,pangit na nga lakas pa ng insecurity o inggit sa sarili,wag naman,,GAYNESS IS ACCEPTANCE,,as god and ure family accept u,,
Post a Comment