Sunday, September 19, 2010
The Morning After (The Lonely Engineer Part 2)
I started removing his sando. Then he said, “pre matulog na lang tayo, please, matulog na lang tayo, mahal kita pre bilang isang kaibigan, huwag mong gawin to”. Then I cried. I said “sorry pre”. He said “ayos lang, matulog na tayo” while he was patting my back. To make the long story short, nothing happened. I was this close to getting rid of my virginity. I wasn’t even able to kiss him on the lips. He could have at least been my first kiss. We were on the same bed; I was hard the whole night. I could no longer make a move.
The following morning was worse. He was smiling at me when we saw each other. I couldn’t smile back. I couldn’t work since I didn’t sleep at all. And on top of that, I really wanted to talk to him about. So I couldn’t wait for the day to end.
When it finally did, I knocked on his door again. He was no longer smiling. He took pity on me. He asked me, “kelan ka pa ganyan?”. So I shared with him my life story, which I am not gonna bore you with. He was ok with it, as long as I won’t do it with him. I was happy, and at the same time sad. He is the first guy friend I have who accepted me for who I am. I don’t want to lose him, but at the same time, I want to forget my feelings for him. The only way I can forget my feelings for him is to get away from here, which is a luxury I cannot afford. I have bills to pay, and my career is doing so well.
I have had my heartbroken one two many times now. I am tired. I just want to know what it feels like to love someone who loves me back. I am losing hope that I’ll get there.
So these are my questions for you.
1. He doesn’t want to lose me as a friend either, so should I keep him as a friend?
2. If I do keep him as my friend, how do I get over my feelings for him?
3. Should I still continue to hope and wait? Or should I just shag the macho dancers to rid myself of my virginity?
4. Will it be shamefull if my first kiss and my first sexual encounter come from macho dancers?
Please do give me as much advice as you can. I will be waiting for your reply.
Thanks and more power to your blog and movies.