Response to Lonely Engineer
Hi Drake Mikels,
Thank you for trusting me to be sane enough to give insight into your issues. As I understand, your first biggest problem is that you have never experienced sex in your life. Unless you have horrible skin disease and you were born with three eyes and eight legs, I don’t understand why you couldn’t find anyone to have sex with you. The fact that your best friend agrees to sleep with you (even without having sex) says that you are certainly an acceptable person worthy to be beside another human being.
So I guess, in your words, we can acknowledge that it’s your faith that has been a hindrance for you to enjoy your sexuality. And I being an atheist, is not the best person to talk to you about faith. Unless, you are ready to explore atheism, then I will give you my number.
Now, let’s proceed to your questions:
Lonely Engineer: He doesn’t want to lose me as a friend either, so should I keep him as a friend?
Lex: By All Means.
Lonley Engineer: If I do keep him as my friend, how do I get over my feelings for him?
Lex: Our feelings are shaped by our perspectives. You are lucky to have him as a friend who will accept you for who you are. It is possible to use this genuine friendship as a tool to re-shape how you see and how you feel about him.
Lonely Engineer: Should I still continue to hope and wait? Or should I just shag the macho dancers to rid myself of my virginity?
Lonely Engineer: Will it be shameful if my first kiss and my first sexual encounter come from macho dancers?
Lex: Certainly not. Your sexuality is yours. When it comes to what you do with your sexuality as long you do not step on the rights of other people, you are only answerable to yourself and not to the opinion of society.
Mr. Lonely enginner, I think your mistake is you keep on asking for romantic love from your straight best friends. Such behavior is an obvious recipe for tragedy. You need to come out and find other gay men to connect with. The diverse community of gay man is an abundant source of sisters and potential lovers.
Hiding in the closet is a life of punishment. Be the best of who you are and meet other like minded individuals. I am sure that true love and intimacy will soon find your way.
Sincerely,
Lex
7 comments:
unfortunately, there are still a lot of filipino gays whose hang ups include that the guy they should have and/or have them must be straights.
in my own opinion, perhaps a straight guy you can have for sex, likely paid sex. but if you want one with emotional strings attached, only another gay guy can give back the feelings that you want to get.
ONCE UPON A TIME...i was invited by a Colombian gay friend to a party in his apartment. apparently his "trip" is to gather as much horny, straight Colombianos, feed them with tamales, get them drunk and sex orgy for dessert. the corn tamales was good, tequila strong, foreskin dessert even better. the bitter part, i lost my wallet.
i agree with chua that gay/straight/other. it's all a figment of our collective imagination. however, we part ways on the emotional strings issue: "only another gay guy can give back the feelings..." esp. if we look at Lalake sa Parola... getting emotional intimacy requires one to invest oneself in someone who can receive it and invest back, regardless of labels.
STRAIGHT MEN...they are more problem than fun.
AND their weight is cast in gold.
(what happened? above last 2 sentences of my post did not appear. oh well, maybe laptop memory overload or its time to get an iPad. santa are u listening?)
for lonely engineer, keri lang na ang first chorva mo ay sa macho dancer... keri lang naman eh... basta sa masarap ah... para sulit na sulit!
Dear lonely engineer,
From your standpoint. I think I could share some insights on your predicament.
Just like you, I have been in love with my straight "best" friend.
It was strange for me that we became best of friends knowing that we have different sexual preferences. To my surprise, he did not find it awkward since we share the same interests (movies, video games, out of town joyrides)
We have been close for many years and I vowed to myself that my first gay encounter would only be consummated with the person that I love (rather than lose my virginity to other means).
Emotions should come into play.
I patiently waited for the right time and once I got my wish, I ventured into other means that came my way (to fully staisfy my sexual curiosity as gay).
The bottom line is that... do what you wish, go for what you want and make it happen according to your specifications. Do not be pressured into having casual sex in order to lose your virginity and awaken you sexuality.
You won't regret in making your first encounter a very intimate and memorable experience.
For me, paid sex is forgetable and readily accessible at anytime. But when romance and true love comes into play, I could forever cherish the proud memory.
Treasure your very first and that will be the basis where all other intimate moments will be compared.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Hi Lonely Engineer,
I would love to hear an update on your blog, especially on your quest for the ultimate first time experience.
Anyway, nobody's making count or pressuring you as to when that will happen. The bottom line is do it the way you want to... at the time you feel is right and with the person you think is proper for that encounter.
It will all depend your discretion since you alone would know what's best for you...so cheer up and be optimistic...being lonely or being happy is a matter of choice...
Good luck and keep us posted.
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