Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Please Help

In Love With Best Friend Part 4

Here's the last part of the letter of the secretly-in-love best friend:

I think he's also bisexual because in our Gen Pysch course I've learned that you can be gay or bi if you've witnessed a traumatic scene (I remember him saying that he saw the violent break up of his parents, his father dragged his mom out of the house because of her infidelity). Also, if you were molested at a young age (the molestations began during grade six and ended on senior year).

Lex, I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart. I've done crazier things with other guys and girls but he is different, he's like my kryptonite. I love his chinito eyes, the mole on his right cheek, when he scrunches his nose, the way he covers his mouth when he laughs, those cursed lips, when he plays his guitar during our jammings, his armpit hair, his scent, and damn it even his sungki! I don't know if I should give up or keep on chasing pavements (quoting Adele haha). I've asked my bi-female friend and she said that he MIGHT also have feelings for me but I guess she doesn't really understand the male mind so I resorted in asking you.
Otherwise, I'll be forced to execute my most desperate move, get him drunk (Pag may alak, may balak).

I hope you can help me, because it's driving me crazy.

Thankfully yours,



Victor Saudad said...

words to the troubled:
by the sound of it, how you list down the things you like about your bestfriend, it sounds like you are merely infatuated with your bes friend. I do not wish to contest your feelings, but i'm just saying this to give you a different perspective. You might be overwhelmed by those feelings that you're missing some things that are important.

Remember your friend was molested as a kid. his innocence was taken from him, and he sees the world differently. In some way you have been molesting this part of him. a reason for most people to confide such matter is they seek guidance. you should have been more of a friend, than a sex partner. but what's the point of crying over spilled milk? now, you are confused of his true feelings.

it's really hard to tell that you best friend has genuine romantic feelings for you given his history. If you truly love this person, I suggest you be a better friend to him. it's not wrong for you to love your best friend the way you feel, but in this situation it's really not wise to entangle emotions with a guy who seem o have a disturbed psyche.

I can't exactly tell you, but you have to be a good friend to him if you really love him. give yourself time, and search what does it really mean to be "a good friend" and what does it have to take to be truly one.

ןıuǝ oɟ ɟןıƃɥʇ said...

this is one of those areas where indirection in communication will not be helpful. he ought to bring the issue out into the open with his friend. if his friend likes him, then it will be revealed. if he doesn't, then he doesn't. if the friend stops being his friend, then they aren't really friends are they? my guess, however, is that something is at work internally that puts so much energy into the conflict over someone that seems unavailable than into finding someone he can actually develop intimacy with.