A soft knock on my door soon followed. With one eye, I looked through the peep hole and there I saw the beautiful face that resembled the man in the picture. After a long exhalation, I opened the door to see a good looking man trapped in a body length that was just a few inches taller than the famous midget, Mahal. (to my recollection, I think he was below 5 foot tall).
A huge disappointment filled my pad as the foreigner stepped inside. Visions of Ylmaz Bektas soon disappeared.
A few pleasantries were exchanged with how-long-have-you-been-here-in-manila kind of conversation. The small talk ended. And we were confronted with the problem of how to dispose of this guy without losing Filipino hospitality.
In Tagalog, the celebrity and I conversed.
“Papauwiin ko na ito”, I declared.
“Ang samo mo naman. Kawawa naman yung tao. Ako na lang makikipag-sex sa kanya. Imagine-in ko na lang matangkad siya”, the celebrity offered.
I checked the profile again of our visitor. I saw the height. And it stated “5’9” – a clear deception.
The famouse midget Mahal
“Huwag kang maawa. Sinungaling sya. Nanloko siya sa profile niya. Hence, he deserves to be rejected!”, I said.
“Paano mo papaalisin? Baka magwala!”, the celebrity asked.
“Akong bahala. Pag umalma, malalaman niyang dati akong kickboxer!”.
I got back to our visitor whose eyes were looking forward to fuck one of us.
“So, shall we start?”, the foreigner asked.
“Do you mean sex? Oh no, that’s not possible! Today is Good Friday. We Filipinos, we cannot have sex during Good Friday or we burn in hell forever”, I said.
“Oh, but I thought…”, the foreigner protested.
“We only wanted to make friends. But sex is a no-no. Not possible today. In fact, we are about to pray in a while. Do you want to join us?”
The foreigner left my pad peacefully. Now, here’s a case where religion really saved my ass!