Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Gay Dad

To all the gay/ bisexual and MSM fathers I have made love to, Happy Father's Day! Here's an interesting article from Philippine Daily Inquirer from a daughter who discovered that her most beloved dad is gay:

Outing My Father
by Melody

MANILA, Philippines – My father and I were extremely close. Sometimes, even my high school classmates would express envy at our closeness. I would tell my dad everything, and I was more close to him than my mother.

No one would have guessed that he is gay. He works for an IT company as a consultant for foreign transactions and though it is not as “macho” as say, a position in the military or in an architectural or engineering firm, his work reflects himself—highly organized, quick to respond to changes and find solution to problems.

For prom he drove me to the salon and gave me money to choose a dress. He showed support by trusting my date; he was quite open-minded in my choice of boyfriends. He was never strict; he was like a “kabarkada.” He would even sit down with me and mom watching chick flicks.

But I noticed he was not physically expressive toward my mother. He never held her hand, and his kisses were limited to her cheeks. Perhaps it comes with age, I told myself.

He was a gym buff. After work he would spend probably two hours at the gym, sometimes longer. We would always eat dinner late, because mother insisted on having dinner together all the time. My older brother hated it, because we would have school the next day and we prioritized getting a good night’s sleep. So, poor mother would wait until my dad was home for dinner. He would be normally late: sometimes he would stay overnight at work for “business transactions.”

I discovered his real identity when I used his computer without his knowledge. As soon as I went online using my father’s e-mail account, a “hi baby” popped in instant message. My stomach felt a knot as soon as I saw who he was. The avatar on the instant message was a foreigner. And that foreigner was a man.

I signed off immediately and felt confused. Was he cheating on my mother?

And was this whole guy avatar thing just a mere shady way of masking the true identity of this person trying to ruin my family?

It was a bizarre feeling that while I could tell him everything, I could not dare bring up what I had discovered.

I felt betrayed , hurt and angry. How dare he do this to my mother, the perfect wife!

I can’t remember how it all started, but months before graduation in high school, my mother had a serious talk with me. Since I was moving out for university, she said it was important for me to know something before I leave.

Her voice was firm.

“Your father is different…” she said. “He’s gay. Never lose your love to your father. He is always that way. But I love him nonetheless. I have understood his urges to meet up with men sometimes, but I am fine with that. ”

No amount of words can describe how shocked I was.

That was several years ago. Now, despite my discovery about my father’s sexuality, I maintain my respect for him. Years ago maybe I would have crazily mess my life up. But I see no reason to do so now.

I admire his courage, and his dedication to our family. Now that I have a child of my own, he is every bit a loving “lolo” to my baby. And my love has never changed.

(Melody told this story to 2bU correspondent Cristina P. Agatep)


line of flight said...

"the perfect wife!" hopefully she works through that before she gets married or she may end up marrying an MSM herself!

cristina agatep said...

thank you for taking time to read and posting it in your blog. god bless.


Anonymous said...

well,..ang pagiging gay naman di naman choice yan e,..a natural feeling na walang makakapag paliwanag,.GOD KNOWS!!yung choice jan ,yung pano mo sya gagalawin o yung lifestyle mo ikanga nila,,..may mga gays na pakawala at bitchy sila,choice nila yon,.may mga gays na simple o decent ,choice nila yon,..gaya sa baba edin yan,.bawat tao,..IKAW ANG BAHALA!!ikaw din ang kawawa pag wrong move ka,.hehe.very open na ngayon,sa PINAS o san man..ang tao,open minded na ,..kahit pa mag asawa ang gay ng isang babae,..ok lang,...basta kaya naman nyang tugunan yung responsibilidad nya bilang ama o asawa,..basat ok lang sa asawa nyang babae o depende sa usapan nila,...lahat nasa tao,nasa sitwasyon o depende yan,...ang mahalaga yung RESPETO di nawawala,kase may mga anak ka,..o may mga taong nagmamahal sayo,.sabi nga nila,.ok lang yang maging gay ka,.basta umayos ka ha!ibig sabihin,.stay nice ,real at si GOD nasa buhay m,o padin,..yung respeto ng tao,makukuha mo kapag nakikita nilang maayos ka na mas maganda ikaw na mismo ang mag open sa mga anak mo kung ano ka kesa malaman sa ibang tao, the end of the days,mas importante nag kakaintindihan kayo ng family mo at si god..godbless..