Saturday, May 23, 2009

MSM: Needs & Fantasies

Sexual desire and behavior are probably as diverse as all the shapes and sizes of all the penises of every man in this world.

And to confine such behavior and subsequent identities with rigid labels such as "gay" and "bi's" will defeat our goal in exploring the wealth of sexual diversity.

Here's the continuation of the MSM (Men having sex with men)series from Joe Kurt of

"Usually, SMSM are turned off and left cold by images of naked men. Instead, they are sexually aroused by and attracted to women. Hence, their interaction with men is typically less about sexual desire for their partners than a desire to experiment or fulfill particular sexual fantasies, including fetish interests.

They may be strongly compelled and interested in various sexual experiences that may be labeled as homosexual (such as an interest in anal intercourse, especially if they desire to be penetrated, or fellatio). To fulfill these interests, they may seek out gay men, whom they perceive as less judgmental than women and more open to sexual experimentation without commitment.

Some SMSM may want to bond with and need affection from other men and find that they can achieve this through sexual interaction with other men. Some heterosexual men who feel that they did not receive sufficient affection and attention from their fathers seek sex with men as a way of finding male nurturance and acceptance. These men may prefer that the bonding remain nonsexual but cannot obtain intimacy except through sexual relations.

Some SMSM are narcissists who have a constant need for attention and acceptance. These men use sexuality with other men as a means of fulfilling their need to be adored and admired.

Some suffer from a form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder in which the individual is preoccupied with the possibility that he might be homosexual. These men feel compelled to engage in certain behaviors that make them think that they are gay when in truth they are straight. They find no pleasure in sexual contact with men, but nevertheless are driven to participate in homosexual relations.

Some SMSM are acting out early childhood sexual abuse. If a basically heterosexual boy has been molested by a male relative, when he grows up, he may keep "returning to the scene of the crime" to defuse and desensitize his emotional pain. These heterosexual men are not homosexually oriented and their homosexual behavior has nothing to do with their sexual and romantic identities.

Other SMSM are sexually addicted and are looking for new ways to add to their sexual shame, excitement, and thrill. They compulsively act out with other men as a result of sexual addiction.

Finally, some SMSM enjoy fantasies of--or the reality of--their wives and girlfriends having sex with other men either in front of them, nearby, or with their knowledge about when and where it occurs. They are often sexually aroused by feeling humiliated that their wives or girlfriends are being pleased by another male whom they see as more potent and better endowed.

Other men enjoy being sexual with other men's wives in front of the cuckold husband or at least with his knowledge. Sometimes they engage in sexual behavior with the man but only in the presence of the wife or girlfriend."

For the complete article, visit:

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