Can you make love only to one man for the rest of your life? (read: suck the same cock, fuck the same anal opening)? Or is monogamy really impossible?
Here are two different sides from some of the brightest readers of this blog, David and "Line of Flight"
DAVID:
"impossible" was too strong a word. however, once the romance period has worn thin, monogamy is often a struggle. keeping in mind that boys will be boys, i do think that once a relationship is firmly established, boundaries should be set and agree upon.
LINE OF FLIGHT:
I don't believe that grown men are boys, but the mindset that sees them/us as such is what perpetuates a puerile (webster: juvenile/ childish) understanding of life. it is understanding life in this way that makes it difficult for some to fully commit to anything. i agree children have a hard time committing fully to something. but that is what distinguishes children from adults. America and Americanized cultures are very puerile.
I think infidelity that comes from a puerile outlook is also consistent a lack of clear boundaries and difficulties with being honest. However, by just trying to conform behavior without addressing the underlying outlook, will inevitably invite the original evil to return again and again.
6 comments:
hey lex. "suck the same cock, fuck the same anal opening?" thank you for your most enlightening prose. :-) in response to your question, no i cannot!!!
line of flight, i did not realize that infidélité originated from juvenile american culture. i must research this further before commenting. as to the "original evil," that sounds more christian/catholic than polynesian.
Lex's break-up and being shit on by his former beau, and the damage done, had more to do with his b.f.'s dishonesty and lack of commitment.
having been in a committed relationship for more than 15 years, i can only say that i love my partner even more than i did when i first met him. he is and will always be the love of my life. our relationship is very secure.
btw, today is my birthday. after my gym workout, i think i will treat myself to a soothing thai oil massage. line of flight, i'll try my puerile best to refuse the happy ending. ;-)
lex, there is a screenplay to this...
I didn't intend to be for the "monogamy only camp". I just disagree/d with David's reasons for justifying non-monogamous relationships. I think if the goal is to conform to monogamy because that is the right thing to do, that will also fail because it is looking at form over substance. its not the behavior but the feeling and perspective that inform the behavior that controls.
monogamy does not depend on sexual orientation; its basis is no other than love - the commitment and the will to live by that commitment to a person.
david. you are apparently very intelligent. however, your inability to absorb other people's arguments and simply skim the surface and repeat clever and witty kitsch doesn't create a dialogue.
i didn't say that infidelity originated in American culture. It just happens to be its most popular proponent these days.
I think you're taking my "original evil" out of context. in context, it is not referring to the Judeo-Christian evil. Every culture in this world other than hippy American and New Age American recognizes evil as an experience and/or phenomenon in this world. this includes our own Filipino culture (and yes, our cousin cultures in Polynesia, there's more than one). i used "original evil" as something undesired but persisting in experience.
I also disagree with how you characterize the meaning of Lex's break-up. I don't think Lex is a passive victim that has no active role in his own life so I find it hard to blame his ex for everything. Yes, his ex is a jerk, a lying unfaithful one at that.
Externalizing Lex's power in the manner you suggest would make it difficult for Lex to forgive and grow from this experience.
my main point is that its not the behavior but the feeling and perspective that inform the behavior. it is not something that can be intellectually known, but something that is developed and experienced in time.
happy birthday sa iyo.
Line of Flight,
Sorry for the slow response. Just checked back with lex’s blog. Thank you for your kind words and the Happy Birthday well wishes. You are too kind. Unfortunately time constraints did not allow me the time to adequately absorb your arguments and I guess I am a little guilty of skimming. Being an American capitalist, I have limits as to the time I will spend on review without monetary compensation. However, I appreciate your constructive criticism and it is duly noted.
I never claimed that I was right. I am not a clinical psychologist. My opinions are based on life experience and the “clever and witty kitsch” that you mentioned was an attempt at adding a little humor to my posts. It was in no way meant to mock anyone’s point of view.
It appears to me that you have a preference for logical and analytical thinking. Therefore, you can easily understand how the different cultural and social contexts can impact our subjective statements with respect to our mechanical information processing. However, you seem to exhibit the male gender’s preference for individualism and competition. That is a good thing but I was not trying to beat you in this race. It was only a discussion.
Regarding Lex and his break-up: I only know what he cared to share with us and the rest is really none of our business. Like you, Lex is very bright young man and being the creative and ambitious spirit that he is, I am sure that he will be just fine. I just felt sad for him. I know what a broken heart feels like. I wanted him to move on which is something that he will not be able to do if we don’t put this sick horse down.
Line of Flight, please forgive me but I have grown exhausted with this ongoing conversation. I think that I am going to reserve further comments on this blog for the lighter issues discussed by Lex, exempli gratia, the shower scene of Janvier Daly (Who is this guy?) where he quickly reveals his proud manhood. Yummy!
I must make plans to visit the Philippines and soon so that I can fully immerse myself in its culture.
Best of luck to you my new friend. O sige.
David Michael Mullins
B.S. Do you really believe these arguments? I dunno about you but I don't find any sense in them. I could only laugh that the undestanding of life, be it mature or puerile, as you may call it, has anything to do with the challenges of a monogamous relationship. And geeesssshhh, American culure? The play on words sounds really great, but does it make sense at all?
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